Fat Stat

Statistics from the India Pakistan semifinal clash (and others)

* 260: The estimated heartbeat rate of Indians when Shahid Afridi was batting.

Also: The runs that India managed to score (Pakistani goodwill gesture inclusive).

* 19: The number of wickets

Also: The number of times Rameez Raja would've gone on air saying, "That was a timely wicket - taken at just the right time."

Also: The number of times Wasim Akram wondered why Shahid Afridi didn't take powerplay.

*1500: The number of runs that Misbah ul Haq had to score per 100 balls to win the match for Pakistan when he got out.

Also: The number of text messsages I sent and recieved throughout the match

* 0: The number of sixes, fours or runs that Yuvraj Singh managed to score

Also: The number of fans who believed Pakistan would win when Misbah was playing a gem of an innings.

Also: The number of Tests I dream of playing.

*11: The number of players Dhoni could ever dream of playing in his side.

Also: The number of fours that Sachin struck.

Also: The number of times Dhoni wondered why Ashwin wasn't picked in the playing 11.

*04: The number of times Sachin was dropped.

Also: The number of times Aamir Khan was shown on TV.

Also: The number of minutes Indian PM and his Pakistani counterpart spent shaking hands with the players.

*09: The number of times Sachin has got Man of the match awards in world cups.

Also: The number of fours Sehwag thumped from the Pakistani bowling.

Also: The number of times Afridi wondered why on earth he got out.

*152: The score that Sehwag would've had if he played 100 balls.

Also: The number of times I got warned by neighbours for noise pollution.

*02: The number of wickets each Indian bowler got.

Also: The number of times Sachin wondered whether he was himself, while batting.

* 73.91: The strike rate of Sachin Tendulkar's 85

Also: the percentage of bets I won.

Also: The percentage of people who changed channels when Yuvraj was out for a golden duck.

*69: The number of runs Umar Gul conceded.

Also: The runs Sreesanth would have conceded if picked.

Also: The minutes spent by Raina wondering why Pakistan never knew his weakness for short pitched bowling

* 26: The over in which India lost two wickets, Yuvraj for a golden duck.

Also: The over in which Yuvraj took the first of his two wickets.

Also: The total runs Pakistan gave India away as a goodwill gesture.

10 replies that suggest a person doesn't know Internet

# 1. Do you use Yahoo?

A: Yeah, but I prefer Hurray, instead.

#2. How good is Bing?

A: Yeah, ping pong is a good game! It helps you increase your powers of concentration.

#3. What about Facebook?

A: Oh, don't remind me of that! I'm done with my exams! Forget it.

#4. Do you surf?

A: Yeah, but I don't have a passion for it as Matthew Hayden does.

#5. Did you see RottenTomatoes' review for Inception?

A: Oh, what did that organisation do? Did they sue the film-makers? There wasn't any monkey business in the film.

#6. How well do you know about Pirate-bay?

A: I've heard of Hudson Bay, Bay of Bengal and others. Where on earth is Pirate Bay?

#7. Do you use Google Chrome?

A: Is that a new product in the market? I'm good at guessing. That's a dye, right? I've not tried it. How much is it priced?

#8. How long does it usually take for a mail to reach you?

A: It depends! The postman who delivers for us is usually drunk. You can't trust him!

#9. Can you send me a song via Gmail?

A: I don't understand why you are fussy about Gmail. Can't I send it through Fedex or Bluedart?

#10. Wikipedia is good. How much is it useful for you?

A: I've got a copy of Brittanica Encyclopaedia. Do you think I'll have to buy a copy of that too?

Saint Patrick's Day

A random check of the mails throws upon me a question, "Do you celebrate Saint Patrick's Day?"

The bug in me compounds the query with newer ones.

So what is Saint Patrick's Day, anyway?

A: It's more of a day of feasts, a day of pride for the Irish. 17th of March, it is celebrated on. Green colour it is synonymous with. It is on Saint Patrick's Day that Chicago river runs green (Paint it green!). A specific Wikipedia search will get you more trivia.

How do I remember Saint Patrick's Day?

A: Oh, not a big deal. A bit harsh, though. Wasn't it on the Saint Patrick's Day, 2007 that Pakistan lost to the Fighting Irish? That was a very good day for those advocating Green, maybe. I remember Rameez Raja guffawed, "there's definitely an edge!" and the replays showed that there was a feet's gap that separated the bat.

So what has that got to do with you?

A: It was on St. Patrick's Day, 2007 that Irish cricket team finally came to the fore. Bob Woolmer was dead in no time. And for Indian cricket fans, India had lost to Bangladesh, embarrassingly. Yet, to see their Arch-rival go down to the Irish meant less 'embarrassment', less mockery of India's performance at the world cup.

Alright! So what have you got to say now?

A: Saint Patrick's Day wishes! Enjoy a drink with a cassette of the famous Irish win. Visit Chicago river. Swim in it and turn up green the next day for work.

Cheers,

Gopsay

The pollical mark

6 hours of sleep on a Wintry morning when Sun plays truant, when sleep responds faster than your Google Search, is nevertheless enough. Waking up and finding next to your sun-sign, "Profitable day on the cards", marked on it might throw the 'dozing prospect' out of contention. It did. The day was earmarked for various scheme of things. As the noon was about to bid me goodbye, I did know, the earmarks of the better part of the day had been put off to the remainder of the day.

Enter noon, enter a wave of enthusiasm, you work on getting the AIEEE papers printed (a work carefully assigned to the wrong person, yes, that's me!). Whenever you sign off, thinking you are done with something, my dear, you are wrong. Expect a barrage from the unknown! Signature of the parent reads the paper and you take indisputable care in signing in a 'corporatesque' manner and then....... "God damn! You knew it! You are such a moron!", you end up swearing at yourself into a mirror.

Milady! Am I done with the December blues?

Sorry, son, not yet!

Eh, thank you!

Yes, and the next fiasco throws up! Place a left-hand thumb impression in the space given below reads the page, and wait, where's the stamp pad? You are in a cross. Signature in every corner of the page? Done! But the thumber-dumber remains. And you end up at school where a stamp pad ink lies right in the corner of your vision. Out of no man's land, one throws up the perfect spoiler, "Gosh, you'd have that piece with yourself. Get home, get it done!"

"Thanks!", you say and get home to find out YOU DON'T HAVE one! There you go, spoiler? Oops, not yet! Your dad offers the best suggestion, "Get to a shop nearby! They'd have the stamp pad ink! Get the work done!"

You know how embarrassing it is to work your way into a retail and all you do is ask for the stamp pad ink buying 'absolutely nothing'. But then, mind is there to be made up, you too want to get the work done. Enter shop- See the stamp pad- The Pollical Hit on the Inkpad- Another hit on the paper-Job, well accomplished.

Five minutes later, "My dear God, the pollical mark is SMUDGED!"

“I’m sorry! It’s a tribute!”

You and I know how well ‘sorry’ works well in ‘patch up scenarios’. It has some serious advantages and its alter-egos!

What a novel idea did our ancestors peer into when they found sorry! He was going to be their ‘friend in deed’ whenever things were to go wrong.

It all started when little Sory was so angry when his grandpa ate his toffee! Sory went away in a fit of rage. Grandpa had to run hither and thither calling out ‘Sory, Sory, Sorry, sorry!’ There you go, that was when ‘Sorry’ was born!

Covering up the folly, my dear Dolly:

I make a mess of the work assigned to me! “Sorry, I never meant that. I’ll improve”, is all but my reply with a sheepish grin. Given, I’m not in the receiving end anymore. I walk scot-free. Thanks, of course, to Mr.Sorry.

T.H.E. Weapon!

There is no weapon as potent as Sorry is. I go attack a person, stab him and return back. Geeves, he’s still got his gun to shoot me with. I’m done with my share of the crime. There’s an imminent danger of the victim entering into the ‘payback’ mode! “I’m sorry, I just did it without knowing about you. You are a gem of a person (controlling a huge burst of laughter, making unique faces). I’m sorry once again!”

When you throw Mr. Sorry into the cauldron, you’ve made use of your everlasting weapon. It’s the final nail in the coffin. It ends up putting you into a situation wherein you are not susceptible to the ‘payback’, if not hailed.

I’m sorry, Mr. Victim!

You’ve been apologised to. You seem to forget the differences; the patch up is on the cards. My dear friend, did you wonder that you’ve lost your stronghold? Your arena of responses has been tampered with. You’ve been cornered to respond, “It’s ok! I know you never meant it!” Had you never been apologised to, your position would have been different!

Worst-case Scenario:

‘Thwack’ (You’ve been slapped! You avoid another mark of ‘Congress’ on your cheek!) You wait for the ‘payback’ time and then, he comes in and says, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that!” You appeal with your chest held high, “I know! It’s ok” and talk philosophy! Unfortunately, all you can do is talk. Slap? You were slapped, weren’t you? Didn’t you slap back? The victim is, again, the victim. The mark of Congress is not registered back. This could hurt the recipient much more!

So what do we reckon out of Mr. Sorry in the future?

I’m sorry, this may turn out to be fortunate/unfortunate! You are in for a barrage of ‘sorry-let’s-patch-up’ sagas. Be prepared. It’s the order of the day!

P.S. The story of Sorry’s origination is made up. I guess you know it already!

Sorry, oops, Adios,

Gopsay!

Dreams and the dreamer!

Having woken up at 10 in the morning, I wandered aimlessly across my house. I had been rejected a new Ipod not long ago, by my parents. Reason: I had bought myself a new camera, novels and umpteen other gadgets just a month ago. This was an unnecessary ask. Sipping my coffee, I was traversing the length and breadth of the newspaper. Out of nowhere, I heard a cry.

It was the little child on the construction site who failed to sped past my vision. He'd injured himself while playing in the pebbles that were littered all round. He peered into his palm, in scarlet red, covered with blood in vain. His cry was feeble. He had finished a breakfast which never was. His sister, another young girl, was examining the cut he has suffered, in utter helplessness and disdain. I had woken up to dark, stark reality! I had just finished taking photos of them. The denial of basic amenities for them irked me. That's not the way things have to be. I dream big. Perhaps, it's because of the education and exposure I'm provided with. What of them? The young people here don't attend schools. Their parents are helpless. They can't afford a convent school for these children. Their ignorance is pathetic. Their future is at stake!

Long ago, when I was a child, I'd waved at a passing Airplane. When they wave at another Airplane which passes by, I feel angry. Why are they denied a chance to study? What significance does 'Right to Education Act' passed by the Government hold to them? I am at crossroads trying to figure the maze out. "Poverty is unfortunate. But for a child, it is the most unfortunate. It is misery in its worst possible avatar." Right to Education Act promises compulsory education to all children from six to fourteen years of age. Any act, be it a landmark act (as in the case of Women's Reservation Bill) needs indiscriminate implementation for its significance. India is proud of RTE Act. Yet, its initiation at the grassroots level is a far cry from what has been achieved elsewhere.

While I wile away time with these ideas, the boy screams out once again. He had held an iron rod while playing, which hurt his hand, once again. I'm hurt as well. My heart goes out for him! I wish he comes up trumps in his life. I can only hope and pray. Perhaps, his parents have to realize the child's dream. My dreams of owning an Ipod vanish when I think of him. I have a meagre dream. My society has got a better dream about every child. Somewhere down the line, the dreams of this young mind will become true and his face and life will all be lit up. There's definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. Let us work towards finding the light! If we achieve, we'll be happy. If we don't, there's nothing to worry, "We've given our best shot though!"

Cheers,

Gopsay.

Stressed out!!

A day full of work is done away with. You need rest.

You sit down, try to plan, you can't.

You have an idea, but skepticism makes your interest give you a test.

You want to do away with certain things, you can't.

Silent spectator are you, unable to act, unable to react, not at your best.

Out of no man's land, you need a 'pause', finding of which you can't.

Silent is the place, screaming is your soul.

All we need is a pause.

You seem to be calm, but something smells foul.

God, this is all for a cause.

Bull's horns should I catch, but I've caught its tail.

In a maze, I am, and I just gaze.

The day fizzles out, into the darkness.

A table dearth of options greets you, gladly do you accept.

We need a change, to throw out the monster in us,

To propel the self in myself to greatness.

The day is here, tomorrow they call thus,

Relax! Reach the greener pastures tomorrow!

Never let the Hope go away,

In the mess, make your way,

Don't forget, determined lot live out the day!

You fail to see, but there is the hay,

Don't be down, speak out, just say,

'I can' and walk away. Determined lot are we!

- Gopsay!

HECTIC

"Life is Hectic", declares a guy who doesn't have a job! If I come across this, I'll murder the guy in cold-blood, nevertheless worried about an impeding criminal charge. Frankly speaking, it's the schedule of the students in their final year of school which seems to be so hectic.

In order to prove my point, I carry out a brief statement arguing on my pros and cons:

• Inadequate time spent using Facebook.
• You go to sleep, and the next moment, "Beep, beep", the alarm goes off.
• A Sunday starts cruelly at 4 am and ends at midnight!
• Two days after India made a mess of t20 World Cup, I ask my friend, "Hey, what happened to India's match? Who are they playing in the semi-finals?"
• There isn't even 5 consecutive hours when you are not surrounded by a book.
• You come back after ending the Academic scheme of things for the day and the wall clock reads '10 pm'.
• Sunday is over! The enduring duel has come to an end. Yet, there's a thought that crawls up out of nowhere, "OMG! Only 6 days left for the next Sunday!"
• Mom asks me, "How was your Chemistry test?" My reply goes thus, "Physics class was really good," before she reminds me that I had attended a Chemistry class!
• our brother/sister tells you "Hey, I've booked 2 tickets for the Friday release. Are you coming?", and you feel like striking your head on the wall in Absolute Disgust!
• To top it all, you are short of time to update your Facebook status as "Life is Hectic".. :P

Case presented in court:

Judge: You've kill'd the guy, what say about it?

Me: I was not allowed to use Facebook, what say about it!

Judge: Facebook is banned in Pakistan, are they on a killing spree?

Me: I care the least about other countries. That guy was totally absurd in guffawing that life is hectic! This is what I've got to argue my case!

('The Ten Commandments of Getting Tasked' presented to the Judge)

(Judge faints, tries to be back to normalcy, he never does!! )

Judge: Since what you've done is a criminal offense, you'll be subjected to 10 months of Rigorous Imprisonment among the books!

Me: Duh, what's the fuss about writing a judgement about what I'm already doing! ;)

Cheers,

Gopsay!

Success!!

We know that everyone craves for success! Success often tends to lead us to the benchmark that we set for ourselves. In most cases, it elevates the benchmark to a 'more tedious level'. More than the happiness, it is the satisfaction at the fag end of the fascinating success that entertains us the most. It is not the ultimate conclusion of our story. Taking no sheen away from a 'failure', success tends to show us a path, a path of progress. Success is not ultimate, it is a journey, a journey where everything that we do leads to every other thing.

So what is success all about? Who will succeed? To make things worse, Wikipedia has this definition on Success put up: "the succession of successfully executed tasks and successes". There's a list that is thrown at you to follow (and dump later) as Success Ingredient.

1. Determination: You have set yourself a goal. You don't know whether that'll work out or not! There's a chosen path and we need to go strive and see what's in store for us! If we fail, there's no problem, we are a determined lot! :)

2. Hard work: When we have a goal/agenda set, we need to spend quality time and work on it. The bonanza in store for us is luck! The more we burn the midnight's oil, the better is our luck! :P

3. Strategy: Success owes a lot to strategy. There's an imminent need of a plan, a master plan to make the most and make a mast of the impediments in our way! as Leon Trotsky puts it,"You may not be interested in strategy, but strategy is interested in you". So is success and a good strategy will make Success chase you!

4. Perseverance: The odds may be stacked against us, there may be umpteen voices speaking to their heart's content that we are crumbling, but does it have anything to do with us? Not at all! It's our effort, our perseverance! The only extra ingredient added: We got to prove 'em that they are incredibly wrong!

5. Theory of Positivity (:)) : In a recent IPL match, Deccan had lost one wicket. Robin Uthappa shouted from behind the stumps, "No.2 coming up". The next ball, Adam Gilchrist came down the crease and was spectacularly stumped by who else, Uthappa himself! Now, I agree that this is Ridiculously Positive, but we can still crank ourselves and turn up with some 'Theory of Positivity!'

6. Prioritizing: Proposing priority to tasks is quintessential. Whenever a Maths test, a Quiz competition and Facebook are there, my priority extends first to Facebook (where I buzz about how bad the Math test is), to a Quiz competition while the Maths test is thrown the lowest priority! I don't want others to emulate my priorities (duh, who will? :D), but then, prioritizing, as such, helps! "Don't be a time manager, be a priority manager. Cut your major goals into bite-sized pieces. Each small priority or requirement on the way to ultimate goal become a mini goal in itself" says Denis Waitley (Denis who??). So let's forget about who said it and follow what was said.

Wishing you success and Only Success!

Cheers,

Gopsay.

Bullet from the Blue!

Christmas day, 2009. It remains till now the day I met my friend, Siva, the last time. I met him that day, talked about a lot of stuff, laughed and recklessly spent the day with him.

I didn't hear any news of him from that day. It was around the same time period that '3 idiots' got released. The film was so gripping that every single minute inside the theater reminded me of him and only him. He was nowhere to be seen from then on, a Bullet from the Blue for me!!

I couldn't meet him, but could only think of the vivid memories of him. Friendship blooms in how much people share things in common. But at one point of time, every single idea or thought of mine was reflected in Siva's speech and language. If I was thinking one way, without a surprise, he'll think the same way. We didn't share things in common. He used to say, "I see a Siva in you", and I used to acknowledge him saying, "I see a Gopsay in you!" Having said these, every minute in his absence sounded cruel, it was a mental torture! A Bullet from the Blue for me!!

On his birthday, he chose to remain absent to the school. The next day, I beat him up saying, "How dare you not meet me on your birthday!" My birthday soon followed and he was the first to show that HE WAS DAMN ALIVE by ringing me up at 12 in the night and going on to speak absolute rubbish till 1 am. On my birthday, he was the first to wish me! He was a special friend! For me, missing him was yet again a Bullet from the Blue!!

He could've poisoned me to death; chosen to shoot me with a pistol and leave me dead; he could've pushed me from the top of a cliff with a 'Jokeresque' smile; he could've asked me to hang to death. But he didn't do any of these. Instead, he moved out of my place, silently, without a word, without a trail. At one point of time, it was more than a week since I met him. I felt fishy! I felt awkward. There was a sense of being stranded in the middle of a Subway without a clue as of what to do! He was nowhere to be seen- a Bullet from the Blue!!

There was a big sense of vacuum on his absence that none could fill. His shoes weren't to be filled by anybody. There was this strange sense of loneliness and bitter that started setting in. I would have gladly chosen to amputate myself, give away my wealth, give away every single of my prized possession but I didn't want to miss him! There was not a friend who didn't know about how badly I missed him. I won a competition, 5000 bucks with it but I couldn't feel happy without informing him! I dedicated the win to him, with the hope of talking with him. Things just didn't fall in place! It was yet another Bullet from the Blue!!

Finally, a month after I met him last, I could hear this bloody voice over the phone. He was no more to be seen physically. Yet, his voice, the very feeling that he's ALIVE and KICKING was enough to make me happy! It was in Facebook that we talked again, shared the same ideology once again. The missing limb wasn't missing anymore! There was every reason for me to be happy. THEY CALL IT FRIENDSHIP!

Dedicated to Siva Subramaniam, the one who makes me wear a smile every single day!

Cheers,

Gopsay!